


What Did You Say?

by Questions3



Series: Prompt Fills [5]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Bilbo Baggins, F/M, Female Bilbo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 17:18:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9247661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Questions3/pseuds/Questions3
Summary: Pirateking:anyone/anyone: someone gets their feelings hurt and the other takes offence on their behalf-where some one outside the company insults a member (calling them ugly, or dumb or something) and one of the members takes huge offence.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pirateking](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pirateking/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Prompts for everyone!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1242676) by [Pirateking](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pirateking/pseuds/Pirateking). 



            It had started as a normal day. Thorin had woken, taken care of some treatise with the elves Balin had been badgering him about all week and moved into the thrown room for his weekly Audience. This was a chance for his subjects to come before their King and air any grievances they may have or disputes they needed settled. It had been something his family had done for generations. It allowed his subjects a chance to watch the Kings justice as anyone could come and watch the proceedings if they were thusly inclined, and it allowed him to meet his subjects on a more personal level.

            And it was boring ass Mahal’s Balls.

            Really if he had to settle one more dispute over rock gardens and who had the rights to a cavern adjacent to their own or some big hairy ass’ need for bleedin’ _curtains_ he was going to throw everyone off the mountain and be King Under the Mountain alone and blessed.

            He almost wished another orc army would attack. At least then there’d be something of interest for him to look at, and point his sword at.

            Of course, no sooner did he think that then the squalling of something that sounded by all rights like a wounded warg came from the outer halls. In little to no time he found Dori had pushed himself to the front of the caterwaulers with their resident hobbit and a _very_ distressed dwarrow.

            “What’s the meaning of this? Master Baggins?” Thorin’s eyes were incredulous as he took in the utter disaster that had been wrought on one of his subjects. The dwarf was easily the size of Dwalin, a blacksmith if his braids spoke truth, and like his captain of the guard, the dwarf’s scalp was missing a surprising chunk of hair. Though, based on the light spattering of blood and the seeping wounds, he was assuming these were less by design and more in the way of battle wounds.

            Conversely his burglar was standing in front of him, her dress mussed and torn at the sleeve and hem, with a slightly bloodied lip cradling her head in her left hand as the other kept the middle of her gown decent. Dori was standing at her shoulder, arm over her looking half rabid at the offending dwarrow.

            “That she beast attacked me! She’s a menace to society and should be thrown in a pit! I _demand_ retribution!” the anger in the dwarf was palpable but it didn’t go unnoticed how he was keeping a fair distance between himself and the, now, relatively calm hobbit standing three yards off from him.

            It also didn’t escape notice that his Guard at his right had tensed at the slight to their wee ambassador and his Advisor to his left had straightened his stance out. Both were about two moments away from ending the idiot if he didn’t get to the bottom of this soon, “Bilbo? Did you do this? Did you attack a citizen of my Kingdom?”

            She shook her head as she groaned into her hand, “Yes.”

            There was a loud uproar that was easily silenced by Dwalin’s roar. Thorin turned shocked eyes to the tiny, non-violent female. Nori came forward quickly from some shadow or other as everyone was silenced and insisted frantically at his left, “I’m sure the Lady was provoked in some way, yer highness.”

            “Aye, your majesty, the Lady Bilbo’s never been one to attack without cause,” Balin’s surety was backed up with his brother’s dark scowl as it trained on the potential offender.

            “I did nothing!” the beast roared out of turn. And the honest bafflement on his broken and bloodied face was a mark in his favor.

            As the room broke into more noise Thorin trained his eyes back on the hobbit, “Bilbo?”

            A heaving sigh lifted her shoulders as she brought her hand down from her face, revealing a blackening eye that set both his guard and his spymaster to growling at his side. Like big bleedin’ cocker spaniels, the pair of ‘em. Big amber eyes settled on him in resignation as pink began to suffuse plump and hairless cheeks, “He did nothing to _me_.”

            If the room kept bursting into noise after every utterance he was going to throw everyone off the Mountain. Thorin’s blue eyes turned to harsh ice as he turned to look at the squabbling offender as Balin asked concernedly, “If not to you then who lassie?”

            Another sigh and more pink Bilbo looked to the ground and stated quietly, “He was besmirching one of the Company.”

            That had every eye on the hobbit and resulted in her shifting about under Dori’s arm until the motion seemed to rend the dress even further and she stopped, biting her already busted lip and staring at the ground. Thorin finally understood and felt his own headache coming in to roost as he leaned into his large hand and closed his own eyes, “What did he say?”

            The pure petulance in Bilbo’s voice as she pouted up at him wouldn’t be endearing on something a quarter of her age, “It’s hardly proper for a lady to repeat such filth.”

            “A lady shouldn’t go around knocking subjects about because they speak ill of her friends.”

            “We didn’t nearly get eaten by a fire-breathing lizard just to have insufferable, ungrateful, ill kemp heathens infest the Mountain after!” Bilbo moved to cross her arms across her chest in petulance after her small rant only to have the seam at her waist fall far too low on her hip and have the flustered hobbit race to capture the errant materials.

            Out of the corner of his eye Thorin watched as the sharp ones of his Spymaster trailed the miscreant rags, taking in the tawny skin beneath hungrily. Nori’s back went rigid rather quickly when he caught the scowl on his face, however, and the King continued with his interrogation, “Bilbo! _What_ did he _say_?!”

            “He called him a crook and a thief!” the exclamation had the auburn dwarf at his elbow snapping to attention again, eyes trained on the steadily reddening hobbit as she fidgeted under the attentions. “And then he grumbled something in that ridiculous language of yours but I’m sure it was equally unsavory!”

            “He _is_ a crook and thief!” he’d best watch himself because the look Dori sent him at that promised dire retribution.

            “Yes, well obviously I care little for fact. If _logic_ were governing me at the time we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” the sheer cheek in that statement was going to end his reign. The accompanying smile, biting through it was, didn’t help matters. And she highlighted her lack of contrition louder than she’d hoped by muttering, “It would have looked a grand _accident_ otherwise.”

            He wondered how long before he went prematurely bald as he growled and ran his hands through his hair. When his crown got in his way he tore it off and tossed it at Balin. Rubbing his face he turned a baleful look on the scowling hobbit and then looked to the confused and bloodied miner, “Did you speak out against the Lord Nori?”

            The dwarf began to fidget a bit himself under the intense gaze of his King, “It doesn’t seem right that such a dark character should be so close to the throne.”

            “I didn’t realize ye had appointed another advisor to yer council Thorin,” Dwalin’s growl was low and grumbling as he glared harshly at the offender, caressing his knuckledusters as he stared the miscreant down. As he fought the shiver that tone chased down his own spine Thorin had a moment to think how Dwalin would have probably cheerfully helped the hobbit hide the body after they’d dealt with the prick had he been present at the initial mauling.

            “Well, now, see here! I have every right to say what I will! There’s no law sayin’ I can’t air me opinions where I’m wont to do so!” the smithy was sweating something fierce as he watch Dwalin now with the same level of concern he’d given Bilbo. Really, very unfortunate as it was allowing the dried blood to reconstitute and made him appear to be sweating blood. Which was preposterous but rather fitting to the dire situation he was suddenly finding himself in. He was only lucky the rest of the Company hadn’t heard about this yet. Then he’d have a whole troop of Noble dwarrow after his cursed head.

            Honestly though, the lad should have been more concerned with Bilbo as it turned out since she was the one who was incensed by his statement, “Aye, there’s no law against accidentally shoving my foot up your arse–”

            Before she could do more than move a step towards the smithy Dori had beaten the lass to it, so apparently he should have been more concerned with him. The oldest Ri grasped the lad by the shoulder and _squeezed_ , collapsing him to the floor and smiling beatifically, “No, there aren’t any laws against speaking your mind. But there are laws about laying hands on a female, on a dignitary, and unfounded defamation of a dwaf’s character. Is that not correct Lord Balin?”   

            The advisor nodded and pandemonium broke out again as everyone had their own two three four coppers to throw into this free speech debate.

            With all the commotion Bilbo squirreled herself away from the full-fledged scrutiny of a _particular_ pair of mercurial eyes. She wasn’t moving as gracefully as she was used to, pulled something in her leg it appeared, when she was trying to kick the bastards face in, but she managed to get all of ten feet from her rooms before she was stopped by an entirely too entertained voice reverberating through the halls, “Can’t say as I’m used to people takin’ up for me like that lass. Makes a bloke feel…” she’d spun this way and that trying to find the source of her company and stumbled right into a warm, solid chest as he finished, purring into her pink tinted ear, “wanted.”

            That sent in indecent shiver through her as she tried to step back, momentarily forgetting the state of her dress, holding her hands up in front of her, keeping her eyes on the dwarf in front of her, “Well, I mean, what I said to Thorin was very true, Nori. We didn’t take this place back from a _dragon_ just so people could move in and disrespect the people who gave them all of this! I mean _anyone_ in the Company would have done the dame. _Dwalin_ wouldn’t see you taking such from the cowardly, useless… Oh dear.” She found her attempts to back up and away from Nori only encouraged him to smile that gut-clenching smile of his (maybe it was just her gut but she was willing to bet he practiced the damned thing and knew exactly what it did to a lass’s nethers the cad!) and moving in step with her. She also found herself slightly corralled as the Spy moved his left arm out to her and had her flinching away and to the left. That, of course, had he dancing backwards into her bedroom door in short order, allowing him to lean rather luridly over her, his left arm leisurely perched above her head, his right coming up to flirt through the gaping hole in her waist she’d left free and fluttering as she’d raised her small hands to the… _solid_ and _warm_ chest in her front.

            Licking her lips she stared, _hard_ at the undone neck of the Spy’s shirt and _refused_ look anywhere near his eyes. She also refused to speak, pinning her mouth shut and just standing there, quivering as the furnace that was Nori encased her. Her eyes closed and she… it was a sneeze. No way did she gasp as he leaned down and whispered into her pointed pink ears, “Aye, Dwalin’d have given him what for. But he wouldn’t look quite so enticin’ all mussed the way you do lass.” That damned nimble fingered bastard had shoved his entire bleedin’ _hand_ into her dress and was playing his calloused fingers up and down her spine directly.

            And damned if he’d stop, the flushed face and dazed eyes were making him damn near crazed. Not that it was the only thing he’d been noticing about her. He’d noticed a lot of things about her in the years since they’d picked up the little fussy thing from her hole and carted her half across the world. She was strong, and fierce, and passionate. And the way her bosom heaved and her hands clenched and unclenched his shirt right now, as through trying to decide whether to rip it off or not were all just some of the things he was rather eager to explore. So without referencing the list he’d kept pinned to the back of his head with all the reasons she _wouldn’t_ want his attentions he grabbed the back of the ruined dress and just ripped the thing right off her. Watching the honey eyes widen he smiled down at the shocked and horrified face, “Well then lass, seems to me you’d best invite me in before someone comes by and sees the wardrobe malfunction you’ve found yourself in.” Damn, she was wearing a shift. It wasn’t much protection but it kept her from his gaze. Not that it would be there much longer.

            Seeing the entirely too pleased with himself look on the bastard thief’s face she felt anger ripple through the shock and embarrassment. Narrowing her eyes she clenched her hands in his shirt and used it for leverage as she lifted up and plowed into his mouth with her own. Plump lips slanted over whiskered ones that were slack with surprise.

            But only for a moment, Nori, after all, was brilliant at thinking on his feet. Suddenly, she was plastered to the solid front of her dwarf and his mouth had slanted over her own, taking all control from her as he went. His wicked tongue came out to lap at the seam of her lips and plunder the moist cavern of her mouth as her gasp allowed him entrance. Wicked hands coming up, from where they’d been encircling her waist to cup her face and turn her head to just the right angle before burrowing into her ridiculously soft and bouncy curls. He was barely registering the need to breath placing small pecks at the plump haven before laving her mouth with his own again.

            They’d come up for a moment of concentrated air retrieval when she suddenly smiled brightly up at the thief, opened her door behind her and rolled in, shutting it swiftly behind her and in his face. Nori blinked at the suddenly shut portal before groaning and knocking his head against the harsh reality of his situation, “Come on lass!”

            All he heard was a snort. He wouldn’t hear her walk off as she was a hobbit and they moved silently at the worse of times, never mind when they’d just won a very intense game of cat and mouse.

            He closed his eyes, breathed, and smirked as he thought over his options. Straightening he made his way out of the hall. He wouldn’t be getting in that way. But he was Spy Master of Erebor for a reason. And there was more than one way into just about every Royal Chamber on this level.


End file.
